I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
