we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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