Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
