So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
