shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
