i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
