I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
