Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
