she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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