So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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