Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
