I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
