Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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