and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
