I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
