I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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