They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
