Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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