i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
