I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
