the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
