Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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