If i come over, it means nothing
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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