I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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