I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
