she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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