oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
