Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
