he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
