so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
please come you make the beer taste better
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
