Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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