The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
