Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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