thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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