I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You need Xanax blowdarts
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
