Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
