Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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