People in love make me want to vomit
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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