they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
