So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They have beer where we have blood.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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