You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
