Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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