So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
