I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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