Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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