This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
