Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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