If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
