There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
