That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
