put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
