It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
