Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
