first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
