I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Enjoy the penises
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
