If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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