perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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