I can't watch pbs sober anymore
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
