It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Michael Bay diarrhea
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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