Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
