Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
