a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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