It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
