Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
