Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
