before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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