he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
